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  • Cowbird (Scriptozine Pensachloride) is a cyber activated, viscerally well tolerated cathartic agent available by subscription or selection into clinical trial. Its components, while generally safe for use in most moderately well-adjusted adults, have lead to attacks of rage, generalized dysphoria, fits of anhedonic retreat and short-lived psychological trauma.

    Cowbird is listed as a C-IV intellectually scheduled controlled narcotic due to the potential for abuse, tolerance and transfer from one user to another. Do not use Cowbird if you have ever suffered from writer's envy, addiction to love or are prone to episodes of panic over misused commas, dangling participles or the wild, manic overuse of semi-colons, parentheses or dashes. Serious, sometimes fatal side effects have been observed in those previously diagnosed with Literary Prickogenic Hypercriticitis.

    Cowbird acts on the scritpo-seratonic center of the brain. Used properly, Cowbird can restore a sense of wellness, community and all around grooviness.

    Before using Cowbird please check with your Doctor of Philosophy, the invisible voices in your head or any professional skilled and trained in the explanation of online writing circles. The use of Cowbird in the overly sensitive has resulted in pointless sprout wars, outbreaks of Bitchiform Enviosa and, most seriously, the dissolution of ties formed over many years of seemingly sensible use.

    Cowbird has not been tested in children under sixteen. Please alert your doctor or writing coach if you feel any of the following side effects, as they may prove fatal to your ego: anamorits epistolica (the fear of the loss of people's love of your stories); irrational ratiocination ( a disease in which the writer is compulsively drawn to work out the ratio of read/love), Idiopathic Cowbird Fever with a check email rate of over ten times an hour, or basic loneliness when a story has not been read within 20 minutes of its posting.

    Please inform your therapist, librarian or guardian angel if you drink well brand liquor, are taking any other web-based writing symposium or suffer from the inexplicable need to read your scribblings to a sex worker imprisoned in a cheap hotel room. This condition, known as Bukowski's Syndrome, can be fatal if left untreated.

    This monograph is not complete. Please consult your faithful leaders at Cowbird for detailed consequences, legal questions or concerns over the book deal which has just not arrived yet.
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