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  • I’d like to talk with my grandmother again, even though we never really talked to each other about the kind of things I want to say right now. As much as I even know what I want to say right now. It doesn't matter; it’s not so much the words as the “with my grandmother” that is important. Especially when I’m feeling a little off or aimless, I miss her.

    There’s a psychic in San Francisco who I went to see once, to find out whether a boy who said he loved me really did. (She said we could have something lovely; that’s the part I remembered, but when I played the recording back years later the very first thing she said was “proceed with caution” and the tape ran out before she said anything about a happy ending. Maybe she never said it at all. Maybe the lovely ending was a longing my brain disguised as memory, an attempt to let myself down easy. If it was, it didn’t work.)

    Anyway, this psychic was also a medium, and before we talked about the boy who didn’t love me she asked if I’d asked anyone to come to our session, because someone was there. I didn't have to ask, I knew it was Grandma. I said that I hadn’t invited her, but I was glad she came.

    The psychic narrowed her eyes for a second and then smiled. “She’s a real bubbe, isn’t she? You know what bubbe means?”

    I did. I do. It's not what she called herself when she was here, but it fit. And it was so nice to talk to her again.
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