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  • I was 5 years old when I had my first love at first sight ... Since my sign is pisces, even I'm a guy, I kinda fell in love faster than rest of the people, I guess. I still remember, she was like an angel with glowing hair, sunlight covering her and she smiles effortlessly like its very natural to her... I was devastated to learn that she wont be at the summerhouse next year. And of course, our short term love came to an end within 15 minutes.

    Later, through the next 20 something years, I fell in love once more... That was a strange feeling that calms my inner-self, cleans up my self doubts and focused me on to one thing that really matters: her. Part of my personality never stops asking questions, tries to find alternate paths to any coming doom or failure, so my mind, my inner voice always in a hurry, always in a quarrel with other voices. You cant imagine, how tiresome it is ... And, suddenly, this stops ( at least for some time ) because we, the voices of the ghosts of the possibilities of near future in my mind agreed to one thing; that, that girl, you shouldn't miss...That girl, you need desperately... Surprised, I agreed to them. And, for the very first of my life, I tried to win something with pure selfishness. I want that person for myself, not for the global good, not for the world peace but myself. Pure selfishness, Pure ego... ( later, I learned that it's called love) After some time and effort, I managed to convinced her to love me as well. Probably, she had a similar first feeling that we are belong to each other but didn't told me, to give me a feeling of "I'm not an easy girl!" ...

    After 15 years together, I'm still in love with her, but 2 years ago, I learn that real love is something different. My daughter, Naz arrived two years ago, and suddenly world changed...

    I have a theory for that, why its different ;

    Your parents, you love them with your heart and with your instincts, because you've been instructed to do so. They raised you, they were with you since from the beginning. So you dont have a choice but to love them, respect them, since you dont know what to do else.
    Your love, your girlfriend, your wife, you love them out of pure selfishness, pure need, that feeling that makes you crave for them and also there is a hidden fear of being alone for the rest of your life. So you scare away that fear, find someone to love and try to be happy with them. Sometimes you succeed, sometimes you don't.
    Your children, now, its a totally new, unexpected and fist in the face kind of experience... You have a genetic material that grows and looks very similar to yourself. There, a small foot, looks like a fluffy cloud and edible material looks very similar to your foot as well day by day. Or, your mother found an old picture of you and you amazed to see that your daughter looks exactly like you when you were 2 years old in a scarry way. And there is a feeling in your heart, soul that makes you forget everything in the world when she smiles and screams "daddy!" in the first time... Now, thats REAL love. You didn't ask for it, you didn't do anything to win it or deserve it, and it is unconditional, ready for you everytime...

    Now, I have this picture at my iPhone, looking at me, that makes me smile and make me say; "Sorry, my wife, this is my real love..."
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