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  • Even when it’s dark, it can get light, and eventually things can be as you want them, and even if you don’t know what you want then maybe peace of mind can be achieved by letting go of everything and living in the moment. You have to accept everything as it is, but you don’t have to let it remain that way. Dreamers are stupid; activists are not. Take control of what you have at your disposal and make it better. Don’t Think about tomorrow unless you’re sure it’s going to be better than this current moment, and if you need to be only in the moment and forget that there’s anything but now, then do it. There’s no need to rush anything. 

    They say that every persons true memoir is her philosophy and so I guess you shouldn't write a memoir until you have an actual philosophy. And maybe you shouldn't have a philosophy until you been in love, but can you actually be in love if you don't know how to do it?

    You pick up a book in Target which is a simultaneously horrifying and amazing place. It's called The Five Languages of Love. The author argues that people grow up speaking a primary language of love - meaning the way they believe love to be transmitted - and then along the way they may learn secondary ones, but they'll always have to work a little harder and study a bit more, and it won't be totally natural.  So if you grow up watching people hug and kiss, and your partner was a person Who watched his parents but tons of gifts for each other, you have trouble understanding each other.

    It makes sense. What doesn't make sense to me is why people think that this is the one thing in the world that is going to be innate, that they're going to able to do it without guidance or instruction. That movies and songs written by people equally uneducated in the field should be the way to find out about truth. Why? Even the older individuals were unguided, even people like Plato are the blind leading the blind. Who can we trust in love? 

    Or maybe this is the one thing that we and only we know for ourselves. Maybe the only thing that’s true is love at first sight, maybe the only true love is the love that you want to blurt out. Maybe your heart really does know something besides how to pump blood, or maybe it’s your brain, not your drunk brain that loves telephone poles and stray squirrels and the guy in the gas station in front of you buying Twinkies, but your real brain, the part that knows how to react in a fire and exactly where to put your hand to yank the plug out of the wall before the hairdryer falls in the bathtub when you have soap in your eyes and can’t hear a damn thing. The part that, without truly knowing but by feeling, wants to say I love you from a touch, from a feeling, from an iris in an iris and the mutual reflection in the pupils. Maybe we’re our own teachers, and we see our pupils in our pupils, and we’re the only people who can truly save ourselves. Maybe we can teach each other to love each other right, by holding hands and by believing that something we believed was true. Knowing that the instinct was right in the first place, and forgetting about everything else.

    There are no diamonds that matter more than others, for everything is rough and able to be scraped apart. We can forage through the dust and we can shred everything we have until it’s gone, and then we’ll be gone. There are no more shiny edges to cut our wounds deeper, and we can only build a tower from destruction when we want to. The sunlight sears an open crevasse and filling it with salt will burn as well, but then it will heal like new, and stronger. Shine bright and love me, hang tight above me, and we’ll go off together like the one first night. You held me and my hair was black and jackets were a tangled mess of leather on the floor and you could have been anyone who smelled like nicotine. There was no poetry, just a dark night that was quickly becoming a too-bright morning, but I said I love you in my head and I almost said it out loud. It was the kind of surge from toe to crown that made me thrust my lips into the pillow and pray to god it was the cocaine and not the case. Because if this was true, and it was, then I had never known anything at all.
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