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  • When I wait for something, a whole world of possibilities opens up in that in-between time.

    Some good, some bad.

    When I was waiting to find out if I was pregnant, I imagined being pregnant with a girl. With a boy. With twins! I imagined not being pregnant. I imagined being infertile and never getting to have children.

    And then the waiting ended. And I was pregnant with a girl! My darling, Poppy. Then a boy, my darling, Noah.

    Now, it's a different kind of waiting. An anxious waiting.

    Waiting to speak to my skin doctor about a positive skin biopsy.

    I imagine she'll tell me I have a melanoma, the deadliest of skin cancers. I imagine dying from it, fading away to nothingness. I imagine leaving my beautiful, young children behind without a mother. I imagine my husband being on his own, left to love and guide and nurture our children alone. I imagine the reaction of my mother, who will be hysterical.

    And then i come back to the present. The present where I have not seen my doctor yet. Where at this point in time, I do not have a diagnosis of skin cancer.

    A present where I can fully, whole-heartedly appreciate my children, my husband, my loved ones, my life!, in the shadow of what might be, what could be.

    I imagine that no matter what happens - skin cancer or no skin cancer - I'm going to live my life Awake.

    In Gratitude.
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