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  • In a city I once lived in, I am now a stranger in a strange room. Every convenience is provided as an enticement into believing that this life of luxury could be mine.

    Being here, exhausted, in a beautiful room eating room service alone is oddly uplifting. I don't feel the sad associations that have been endlessly recounted by novelists and filmmakers. Instead, I find comfort in this carefully constructed version of reality.

    It is fitting that I arrived under the cover of darkness to this, my former home. It was here eight years ago that a split occurred between another me and the me I am now. I had come here to live and study only a few months after I met the man who I eventually married.

    At the time, I was unsure what the relationship had in store. Almost immediately upon moving here I was conflicted by my alternating desires to move back to be with him and to stay here to discover a different future. I remember months of strange weather (inside and out). I remember a visit he made where he took me to Paris.

    I never really settled when I lived here before. I was always unsure how I fit into the narrative of the city. I am glad to come back not to my old life here, but to the transient space of a fancy hotel.

    I couldn't imagine me now then. But tonight I've raised a glass to the past with a wink to the future.
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