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  • I don't think I have ever been under so much stress in my entire life. And my body knows it. That's probably why after several nights of little sleep and countless hours of lesson planning stress I began to feel incredibly sick. Strep. Yep.

    It hasn't stopped me though. Monday came and went, despite feeling like a truck had run over my body, backed up and run over me all over again for kicks. I knew I had to keep my head up, nap when I could, load up on as many antibiotics as humanly possible, and keep pushing forward. Tuesday was scheduled my observation day. I had to do this, no matter what my tonsils wanted.

    I stayed up incredibly late Monday night, getting everything perfect for the next day. I wanted to completely blow my advisor away. Tuesday morning arrived far too quickly, but I was ready for my observation. My brain pounded against my skull, my sinuses felt like they were about to explode, my body weighed 400 pounds, but I was going to school. Yes. "I am doing my observation this morning," I thought. I went in early to set up for my lesson and several students helped me get everything ready for my advisor's arrival. She was scheduled to arrive at 9:20 and I was sitting on pins when the morning announcements began at 9:15. 9:20 came. 9:25. 9:30…where was she?

    I began the lesson, thinking that she would walk in any minute and everything would work out fine.

    Dr. J, sitting at her desk grading papers, perked up, "Why don't you check your email? Maybe she's running late."

    I complied, stopping the lesson as the students began to whisper amongst themselves (a little morning excitement for them). I opened my email and found the message pretty quick. She wouldn't be making it for the observation and needed to reschedule.

    I wanted to cry. I wanted to give up. I wanted to go home, crawl back into my bed with a cup of tea and some more of those strong antibiotics.

    But I couldn't. I had a classroom of students staring at me, ready to do a really cool activity with prepositions. Dr. J pulled me aside, saying that I could just have the class read for the remainder of the day and do my lesson whenever my advisor decided to come in. I took a breath. A really large, nasally, on the edge of a disgusting cough, breath.

    I wasn't going to do that.

    I wasn't going to teach just to show off to my advisor. I wasn't going to teach to show off period. I was going to teach. That's it. I am who I am, observation or no observation. To me, character is who you are when no one is looking. So I want to be that sort of teacher. Weather I am being watched by the President of the United States or whether I am never watched by anyone other than the students I teach, I am going to teach to best of my ability. I learned that yesterday. I want to be the type of teacher that gives her all, despite the drawbacks of sickness or the motivation of an observation.

    Because I want to be a teacher for my students. They deserve that out of me. Period. I want to teach because I want my students to learn, not because someone is watching me. I didn't realize how important character really was for a teacher until yesterday. I don't think I'll ever forget that.
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