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  • Sometimes, I feel perfectly fine. Nothing has gone wrong in a while and things are starting to look my way. And then it just happens. Out of nowhere. In the middle of a conversation. I become a completely different person. I am gone from my body and there in my place is a drone. A non-feeling gray drone.
    Do you ever think about that empty feeling of your arms as your walking? You know they're moving, swaying back and forth as you take each step but it's an unconscious motion and when you realize it, they just feel empty. Well, that's how my whole body feels right now. Like a big sack of nothing. Everything but color has lost it's taste.
    I can feel my body rejecting this depression. I can feel how hard it's trying to work to balance out the chemicals. Headaches are synonymous with my empty feeling. It just feels like something in my brain is being hit over and over with a tiny hammer. Now it's just a constant pain. All my energy is gone.
    I can't share my depression yet. I don't want you to be disappointed if you can't help, because I know with no doubt there is nothing that will make it go away. This is how I am and how I always will be, no matter how hard I try to fight it. I'm not giving up hope, I'm still here. I can hear you spilling your words of encouragement and praise and love but they're falling on deaf ears. It's not your fault, and I wish I could make you understand that. I'm sorry that this is hurting you now too.
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