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  • I don't know where this story developed, or how. But somehow it's wormed it's way deep into my being. "I'm not lovable", "I don't deserve love while I'm going through this", "No one will love me if I'm depressed, if I don't show a happy face to the world."

    Where do these beliefs come from? How come they are so powerful? And how do I let them go?

    It takes more than recognizing their falsity. A part of me knows they are untrue but it doesn't seem to make a difference. How can we know something is untrue and still believe it at the same time? Perhaps because there is some doubt, there is still some doubt that says it might be true. I can almost hear that devilish voice, "well how do you know it's untrue? You know there is a part of yourself that believes it, look at your experiences..." Yet even that is a bad argument. True, I have been with men who haven't been very emotionally available, but haven't I also not been emotionally available for myself? Am I attracting men that cannot be there for me in the way I want because I can't be there for myself in the way I deserve? Until I learn how to give this to myself I imagine I will keep falling into this "bad luck" streak. If I keep unconcsciously buying into this belief that I'm not lovable perhaps it will become a self fulfilling prophecy.

    I don't want to be a victim to my false beliefs. They don't deserve to run my life for me.

    Which brings me back to the do we change our beliefs? How do we stop believing things that are untrue?

    The other night I regressed into a little girl, running away from something she was too scared to see. I'm not sure which possibility I was more afraid of, the possibility that he wouldn't see me for who I am, or the possibility that he would.

    I don't have any answers to my question. I don't know how to get rid of old beliefs. I just know that I'm tired of following them like some poor sucker tied to a chain.
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