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  • It is 4:45

    I don't wear a mask, boy. Every emotion I feel floats across my face making it difficult for me to hide anything. It is the reason I don't bother with deception. The reason I stopped trying to live someone else's dreams and just focused on being happy.

    The first dream I tried living was my mother's. She wanted me to be independent and strong. She wanted me to be what she wasn't. From what I've seen, being strong and independent doesn't make you happy. What being strong and independent allows you to do is avoid being dependant on others.

    What is wrong with depending on others? I don't think it is right to be a slug but if you need help, ask for it. You can't be strong all the time. I know, now.

    The second dream was my father's. The last time I talked to him, he wanted to be happy but chased happiness to the jungles of some tropical country hoping to find it in the arms of another woman and a couple of fish.

    There is nothing wrong with wanting happiness but If you are not happy, other people can only dust you with theirs. Know yourself. Be happy and then look for someone to add more love to your life.

    I've been blinded by love. Cute men and ugly. Maybe not ugly on the outside. When you uncover the ugliness it is such a disappointment. Having met the soul person, I know what they could have been. When the two don't match, it is heartbreaking. I hope you don't have too much of that boy. I hope you and your soul are the same and that you are never blinded by love.

    I don't hide my emotions. There is nothing to be exposed. They are all there. I throw them into my work, into my art into my life. I'm passionate about everything in life, boy...including you.


    [photo by Emmy Ann Horstkamp]
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