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  • I think a lot about how I want to die. Like I have the ability to change my fate through some metaphysical reconstruction, maybe changing a few genes around. Maybe I want to die of old age or die of some fatal disease. I'd go to some imperceptible level, to an atomic level, to my helixes and twist and strain strands around into something I see fit, something deserving of myself. Knowing me I'd probably alter my weight, the color of my hair, eyes and skin, just by fouling around with my genetic code.

    Maybe I deserve cancer. Not like I'm helping myself by smoking, or by having been smoking for the past three years. Maybe specifically lung cancer due to the prolonged exposure to two of the most polluted capitals on Earth. Maybe dementia, or Alzheimer's, something to drive my mind away from the foreshadowing melancholy my death will maybe bring.

    Maybe I won't die of anything that would ail me. Internally. Except internal bleeding. What if I got into a fight with a room mate, a bum, a gangster, a cop, a famous musician (or his body guard), my boss, a family member, the Church. What if I get abducted and the ransom they want for me doesn't go through and they beat me out of swindled frustration. They'd break my arms, curbside my face, electrocute me, which I think would be the worst road on the way to death. What if I get pushed onto the tracks of the el, right before the train arrives, so the accidental pusher or assassin gets the shock-crush combo. What if my flight to Russia just blows up, the explosion pushing me and my seat into the air, still strapped in, pissing like a horse and screaming like a little girl. What if I become a secret agent and I get poisoned with some foreign powder or liquid. Would the death be slow? Would I contort and seize? Would I froth and squirm, growl and just go mental?

    What if I didn't die? Maybe my body would be harvested and cloned, like I would become some mad scientist and create a bunch of clones and freeze and contain them with cryogenics. Or that stuff Vader and Fett froze Solo in. They would all be housed in some containment facility and every time I die another one pops up from it's icy, temporary coffin and just continue on his day, knowing why he's there and what he has to do from then on. Obviously he'd have to reprogram his successor about information about his life, like I would have to for my successor. For him it'd be like waking up, at what I guess the ideal age would be up to him, just like any other day before him that he'd never had.

    Would my consciousness be transferred into this thing, my creation? Or would my life just end as his starts? Could I move on and let my new me live his life while I cross into a dreamy abyss. For now, I'm just gonna keep on thinking about kicking the bucket.
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