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  • It's time to take a break from the tale. I'm too far in it, too deep, now, and it's bordering on obsession. Time to back off, breathe a bit, remember who I am, look around, and just be, for a bit. That's how it is with me. When I start seeing signs of it, I back off. Change up. Seek the balance. What's the rush? I can take my time. Time to be. The story will still be there when I'm ready to get back to it.

    Funny, it started as me remembering that I forgot the anniversary of a ship going dead in the water. Next thing I knew, the fingers started flying on the keyboard, and I just went along for the ride. It's like watching a movie you saw awhile ago, and you go back to watch it again, noticing details you missed the first twenty times you saw it. J.B. was watching the first "Godfather" Sunday afternoon, and I sat down and watched it with him. It was kind of like that.

    "We're goin' to the mattresses!"
    "Never - ever - take sides with someone against the family, Fredo."
    "I think Michael got struck by the thunderbolt."

    What a great movie that one was! But, I wasn't into doing the whole marathon - I'll get back to GF II and GF III later. Balance. That's the key to my life, today.

    I'm so happy to say that January is nearly in the rear-view mirror. Once those Christmas lights go off on the 6th, I'm always challenged to get through the rest of the month. Writing that story helped a lot, I think. I lost track of the time and the days. I know I posted stories at a much greater clip than normal. I try to limit my postings to one story a day. I got away from that when I started on this one. It just came out faster than my normal pace of storytelling.

    Today was bitterly cold. I stayed home from work. I have more "Leave" time accumulated than I know what to do with. It was cold out there, and I was tired already when it was time to start getting ready to go. So, I took a day. I still called in for a meeting this morning, and I have one to call into this afternoon. Other than that, I'm just chillin' on a really chilly day. Why not?
  • I still don't know whether I want to turn that story into a book. Some think I should. I don't know. I feel the same way about that as I do about taking a job at the next level (Senior Executive Service) at work. Ambivalent. I see upside, and I see downside. At the end of the day, maybe I just don't have enough of an ego or ambition to think it's all that necessary to do. I don't need it for any sense of accomplishment or validation, this I know.

    I once knew a guy who'd written and published a book, and I knew that I never wanted to be like him. He was so wrapped up in his book, and his own story, that he couldn't see what a mess he was. He knew he was, but he couldn't let go of his story enough to allow himself to get well. It was like it owned him. It defined him. I never want to be owned or defined by a story. I just want to be. Now. Here, in this moment.

    Same with going to the next level at work. I see too many people go to that level, and lose themselves. Lose the essence of who they are. Lose their common sense. But then, I see others, like my friend Joe and my old boss Lorena, who manage just fine at that level, and never lose their common sense. I know that, at this point, I'm ready to go there, if the right opportunity presents itself. I'm no longer holding myself back from it - I'm not afraid of it. I am a good leader, and if I don't go there, I have to be willing to follow the lead of others who I might not really want to follow. So, I might as well lead, right? I'm good at it.

    I know now that I am not a good project manager. It lacks the ability to have the kind of impact I can have in a leadership position. There's too much herding of cats, too much "consensus-building", and not enough vision setting, people building, and goal achieving. And, there's far too many meetings that never go anywhere. Oh, how I hate those meetings! I don't mind meetings with purpose, that have good outcomes, that result in, and facilitate, real accomplishment. Just as long as there aren't too many of them. I think I may be allergic to meetings. What's that called? There's got to be a name for that. Meeting-averse? No - something in latin or greek, I'm certain of it.

    So, enough about work. Let me go read awhile, breathe, have some lunch, do my 1:00 call, then chill some more. Chillin' on a chilly day. February is just a stone's throw away. Get me the hell out of this month already, will ya?
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