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  • I haven't felt this far away in a long time. I feel like my thoughts aren't connecting inside my head and are just floating away like a loose thread in the wind. it took so much effort just to write that sentence.
    I'm not in a place of darkness but of transparency, things have no meaning an can be seen through without effort. I feel my intellect declining as I have to refrain from typing "like" every few words because this what societal me has become. I don't even think that she is me anymore, the two are so disconnected from one another.
    I sit here and try to let my fingers type freely but I can feel the pull in the back of my head as a voice tells me not to be so honest with the computer. "Someone will find this" the voice says. "if he saw all this, he would think you were crazy". The person everyone sees and knows is so disastrously different than the actual person not being represented.
    I couldn't tell you who the real person is though, they've been squashed by unkind words and harsh glances. People tear the real me apart so finely that the pieces can not be put together. Most of the pieces aren't even there anymore. People have taken them with them, as a sort of trophy saying, "look, I have bested her and shown her everything she is at fault for therefore I am better!"
    Why must they do that?
    I can no longer sit here and wait for that question to be answered because no matter how loud I scream, it won't be.
    I need to move on. I need to stop caring fro those who do not and will not ever care for me.
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