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  • how can others love you when you can't love yourself? how is it possible to hate yourself so much for absolutely no reason? i always get here, this depression sinkhole, no matter how hard i struggle to try to be happy, i keep sinking. when i hit the bottom i suffocate. that's not how life is supposed to be. how do i keep doing this? i am a happy person, or at least i try to be. i'm taking all the meds the doctor told me to, i get the strange looks at the pharmacy every time i ask them if there is enough pills in the bottle. i know i can't give up trying, but i'm at a loss. i'm stuck in the middle of ... i don't even know what to call the place i'm in. i know people don't actually read all this depressing stuff i post and i don't blame them. i just wish there was an answer. i keep searching for the answer or a solution. it's not like i haven't stared at the problem long enough, i don't feel like i'm missing the big picture of life's journey. there are plenty of things to be happy about and i see them everyday. i just don't know how my mind gets into this rut and it's like i'm trapped, locked up between 4 white walls that when you look up, go on forever. nothing gets in this room, no light, no dark, no creativity, no boredom, just bleakness, like a non-feeling of feeling absolutely nothing. is nothing a feeling? why is nothing the worse feeling? there's no control, you go nowhere. my train of thought has stopped, i have nothing left to say.
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