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  • sometimes breathing is hard. I never thought that would be the case. the first thing you do when you enter this world is take a breath and cry out. do we ever stop doing that? crying out. what makes us cry out in the first place? is it the unfamiliarity of being in an odd place, leaving the comfort of our mother's womb? is it to have someone come console us?are we born with the desire to be close to other people? or are we crying because perhaps we wish to be left alone, left out of this world.
    i spend a lot of time trying to decide whether to isolate myself or whether to allow people to mean something in my life. I give off the false impression that everyone i met matters and that i care about every single one of them but does it count as caring if i wish to share nothing with them? i can listen for hours about their lives and usually do at some point in me knowing them but i don't tell them anything of significance, or let on to what i've told them to be noted as significant.
    is the desire to keep people at a distance a sick game? am I doing it because it allows me to feel like i'm in control and manipulating every relationship i'm in? why do i do this? why does manipulation come so easily?
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