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  • She entered my life only 10 weeks ago. Only a blink compared to the rest of my life! She is considerate, intelligent, and truly an individual. She is full of thought - she never stops thinking at all. And her life has been difficult. Far more difficult than mine. We have grown closer over the past 10 weeks until a recent barrier grew between us.

    "I prayed for us to happen," she said to me 8 weeks ago. That nearly knocked me over. Though I have not prayed for more than 12 years, I know of the passion in prayer.

    "I have decided to become a better Christian - I have felt God and I will follow his teachings. I pushed him away, but he wouldn't let me go!" She said this 7 weeks ago, after a pinnacle of her inner battle to find meaning in the world.

    I see prayer as hope with a beat that she directs towards an external force, God. That external force, for me, is internal. If I am asked the questions,

    'What moves you?', I answer "I do." If she is asked the same question, she says "God does."

    'Who created you?' Me: I do, every moment of every day. Her: God created me in his image.

    'Where do you go after you die?' Me: I don't know. Her: Heaven.

    'What is the meaning of life?' Me: To live a life of happiness and passion that lifts up those around me. Her: To help others before myself, as Jesus did.

    Religion makes me uncomfortable. I can't manage to understand her motives. At first, she feared only that I would break off our relationship. Now, she fears that I will go to hell for not believing that God exists. She worries every moment she is with me about the state of my eternal soul.

    Yet, my eternal soul is fine here and now! I would rather focus on our lives here and now - where we have been and where we are going and how we will create beauty and joy in this world for ourselves and the people around us. How to make the work that we do the most fulfilling, impassioned work. My concern is for this life. Let us make of this earth a kind of heaven.

    I wish she would not worry about my eternal soul. I would rather she worry about her health and her happiness here and now. A lifetime of sorrow and pain is not worth it. I don't want to lose her.
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