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  • I am feeling blank, open, empty.

    The wind is blowing, hot and dry from the West. I am walking across a wide desert beneath a sky of fire.

    It could be sunset, or sunrise. It could be the end of the world, or the birth of a new one. I could be a character in a Kurasawa movie, a lone Samurai soul, limping home from a long, exhausting war.

    Awhile ago, I saw two moons in the sky, and that is why I know I am dreaming. You know how it is, you are in a dream, and you sort of wake up, and realize you are dreaming, but you don’t want to wake up all the way, and so you stay in the dream?

    In my dream, I wonder what the two moons mean.

    Then, I realize that the two moons are two huge balloons, about 500 feet up, drifting in the flaming sky, in the hot wind, and I feel, for a moment, disconnected, out of my body up there with them, drifting, drifting, tethered to earth by only a fragile, silver cord, looking down on the rocky terrain of the desert, the hot rolling hills, the dry lakes, the sand dunes.

    It all happened in an instant, but it was a moment out of space-time, a moment of life suspended, an indrawn breath.

    And then in my dream, I was back on the ground, again walking across the vast, hot open desert with a sense of profound loss and sadness, as though there had been a death, or perhaps a catastrophe, or some unimaginable rending of the fabric of reality.

    The sky which had been shimmering with fiery light started to soften into deep apricot gold, and dim.

    It was then that I knew, in my dreaming state, that a chapter of my life was finally over, that a rugged landscape had been burned clean of memories and pain, of uncertainty and struggle, of trauma and trials.

    I knew all that was behind me now, the way a leaf knows when to let go of its branch and fall to the ground, the way a lotus knows when to open its petals to the sun, the way the white yucca flowers know when to bloom all at once on the mountains. I knew it was time to move on into the unknown future.

    In my dream, the flaming sky slowly faded into soft violet and then into a deep velvet blue.

    I saw pinpoints of stars, like salt crystals, scattered overhead. Then, I felt quietness and peace around me, there in the desert, and a comforting silence in my soul.

    I knew I could find the strength to move on, into a new friendly world, which even now, like an angel of mercy, took me in its feathered wings and held me, in the comfort of the cool, glittering cobalt night.
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