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  • You came to visit me in Chicago. You also came to visit me in Paris. This visit, though, definitely more charged than your week in France. Sexual tension was the elephant in the room. The kids are calling it Sex Tensh these days, which I happen to like very much.

    Sex Tensh. There was plenty. In Paris, you met the lover who inspired me to cut. In Chicago, I had another lover, also in France, but things were more stable. The point is that she wasn’t there when you were sleeping on my futon and I was sleeping on the floor.

    We didn’t cross any lines, just a kiss on the cheek as you got on the bus and then telling each other we loved each other. Which wasn’t new, it just felt new.

    You got back to Rhode Island and you told me things I was afraid you might tell me. Things that you knew weren’t fair, things that involved me getting into bed with you and taking our fifteen year friendship to a different place.

    You told me things I wanted you to tell me. I didn’t tell you that I would have dropped everything to be with you. I didn’t tell you because you didn’t seem open to the idea – just a “this is how I felt this weekend” type of thing.

    We became pen pals again. Until I reminded you what you told me that winter. You were engaged and you thought I planned to ruin things.

    Didn’t plan to, but apparently I did.

    The last I heard from you: a thank you note for the gift I sent on the occasion of your wedding from which I was disinvited.
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