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  • She: Every day is a constant battle for me. Sometimes it's death, and the effect it would have on people around me. Or sometimes ill just sit in the corner and cry for a few hours. Either way I am getting so fed up of pretending to be happy just so people won't judge me. All I really need at the moment is somebody to understand and nobody ever does. So I give up. Ill isolate myself from everyone I feel don't care enough. If you want me in your life make the effort because I'm past breaking point now. I can't eat I can't sleep I've even had to put off college for a year which meant upsetting my family which I really didn't want to do. I just feel really Empty most the time and I know most people won't even bother to read this. It's sad really, I just feel like I have no friends. I'm done.

    Me: Chels, life is hard. Every day brings on new struggles. I'm not going to harp religion at you because I'm an atheist. I will say that you have to deal with what's been given to you and what you can make of opportunities around you. I'm often at the brink of depression and often times I know it'd be easy to stop it all and blow my brains out, but the reason not to is to see what comes next. The best way I've been able to get over depression is to get up and work toward fixing whatever it is that's bothering me. It sucks, I don't get much rest, but I've noticed that I feel better the more tasks or chores I've got finished at any given time. In america, we have to smile. I shit you not, it is hammered into us to smile and act happy no matter what. I have a shit eating grin and happy attitude all day long to make sales and try to make other co workers happy to see someone else genuinely happy. It's an odd thing. I've told my dad before that I virtually never get a free moment to just fuck off anymore, and dad has explained to me that the way to get through it is to make yourself believe you love it. Pretty much you just do it...because you have to, to an extent...and not worry too much because life is too short. One of the things that had helped my stress is to work extremely hard, have a game plan or two for future financial/career/life-planning options and leave home so that I am not burdensome on my parents while they help care for my siblings' families. I'm telling you this because I'm your friend and I'm trying to empathize with you. Love and miss ya. Feel better. Xx
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