Princeton. Your slum is my chic. Your clean, smart, beautiful people. Fresh. Designer. Manicured. Even your unattractive people are out of my league and they know it.
Stares, glances, scoffing attitude, hands on hips, nonchalant impatience. On today of all days.
My eyes scan their eyes. I'm searching for a connection. To me, to him.
All day I think of him but that isn't different. The difference is the date. August 6th. One year ago he asked that question. The one that would lead to many more. The question that would make him mine, if only for a while. The question that stoked the fire.
"So, when do you want to tell everyone...?"
At the time his cool assumption made me hesitant, but still I couldn't resist him.
I've never been able to resist him.
So we told everyone and were welcomed with mixed reactions but we plowed forward recklessly.
On August 6th 2012 I heard your vague question as a settlement: you had avoided it for so long, brushing me aside, finding other girls, but finally you gave in. Might as well give it a shot.
August 6th 2013 I hear the vulnerability in that question that I missed before. Now I understand why it was avoided.
Dear Friend, here we are at the end, one year later. Or is it the beginning?
It's hard to tell. It feels like the end but I know it can't be: there's too much still to do.
Dear Friend, I know now why you waited: while friendship never felt like enough to me, it was precious to you.
After all we had been through you still tried to preserve it. But you didn't want to avoid it any longer and so you asked that question and we loved. We loved from a place of friendship which runs strong and deep with roots years in the making.
So now on August 6th 2013 I love you from a place I wasn't aware of on August 6th 2012. Today I can't untangle the love and the friendship. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to.
Today I want to thank you for asking that question a year ago, for taking that step which changed the way I view things.
Even though we're not together at all, I feel close to you today. Things will be different but I know we will always have our roots and I will continue to draw strength from them and feed them because I'm not done growing yet.