I took this picture on a morning I could not go back to sleep, early January 2012. I have lived by this lake for the past 21 years, where my parents decided to buy a house after they met and fell in love. To me, it never meant anything. I spent 18 years of my life hating the town I lived in. It was so far from the city, so far from everything I thought I liked. Far from my friends, far from the "cool" places, far from where I belonged.
This picture means a lot more now than it used to when I took it. The lake itself, the sun rising, the snow, and far away, outside of the picture, the city I dreamed of for so long...that I don't dream about anymore...
I realized how much I did not want to be a city girl anymore, that I have been inventing this part of myself because this is what everyone wants. I dream of a house by this same lake, but further in the country. I dream of a huge property with trees. I dream of nights camping on what will be a land I buy for my kids to share when I pass away, where they will bring their kids. I dream of days fishing in the summer and hunting in the winter. I dream of nights by the fire, drinking beer and singing songs.
My friends think I am crazy to want this. They are slowly all moving away from our hometown, sharing tiny apartments in this big city. And they ask me, "when will you join us here? When will you get out of this shithole and start your own life?"
And I realize that they don't understand, and I don't think they ever will. They don't get that I will be the one staying here, falling in love with a country boy, and having the life I always dreamed of.