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  • (Dear Katie)

    Turning to something like confession, and on my knees before the hollyhocks again to say I am not a Buddhist at all. I know in the end I will have spent vast (hate this word for its overuse but also implication here) yes, vast sections of time and life and today dreading the future when all of it/everything is vanished or gone or no more. The thought of sitting still just this moment with only breath while there are yet hummingbirds and heavy cattle moving in the far draws, and sun, and leaves, and layers of paint peeling themselves away from the house so that I can't call out to my children for fear they already won't recognize me in this new moment--the thought of stillness or sitting--well, I can't. I'm afraid. Always afraid of losing everything and all of this.
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