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  • When I was twelve I wanted to be twenty. I wished for the time to run so fast .I was ready to wear high heel shoes and make up and have a boy friend. Instead I was the ugly duckling in my family ,too fat, too insecure and too rejected. My sister was a better version of Elizabeth Taylor so she was taken by my aunts to the ballet, to the movies ,she was introduced to their friends. They were very proud of her beauty. I was always at home hidden away like the phantom of the opera but without a mask. I was so jealous because even my mother never shared with me a pretty inexpensive necklace because she said immediately "you will brake it" Five minutes later my sister asked her for the same thing and in one second it was around her neck. I always remember my nightmares at school at the gym class. I always pretended to be sick and my mother had to write eternal letters excusing myself because I was suffering of one of many variety of illnesses in the medical encyclopaedia to avoid the torment to be seen in shorts.
    Yes when I was twelve I wanted to be twenty.
    Time passed the ugly duckling bloomed and I got married and I had two children. I was having my high heel shoes and make up and I was what I wanted. Time it was not the same that when I was twelve. Then, the clock seemed to be frozen and my eyes looking at a child in the mirror seemed to be stuck like and old record. That was a perception of my mind because time was walking I just did not notice it.
    When we are very little we want to grow up so fast, when we finally grow up and become mature women we would love to turn the clock back.
    At forty plus, let's do not not go into the details of what plus means, I would like to run back in time, but the time always keep walking, sometimes I think is running like a maniac robot and it does not have any button that says stop. I guess the button only works when we die. I had been lucky and I still look younger for my age and I am in a good shape after hours of diets and exercise, but I believe the most important is my denial that I could get older. After all they say we are what we think so I do not allow any thoughts of age coming into my mind. Sometimes however the doctors are looking more and more like university students and when I was twenty they all looked like pervert old men to me.
    So many movie stars say that you have to get old gracefully. That is a lie. I guess they can with the help of many plastic surgeons but I do not know many women that can walk into the mature age feeling wonderful. I am sure they must be many but I am not one of them.
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