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  • This has been one of the wildest and weirdest months of my entire 32 years of life. And it's only the 24th! And it has 31 damn days, too!!!

    It's been a lot to deal with - a lot to take in. I feel like I've been shredded to my core - exposed and vulnerable and just BROKEN.

    [ bro·ken /ˈbrōkən/
    Adjective
    1. Having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order.
    2. Rejected, defeated, or despairing. ]

    I've been both overwhelmed and underwhelmed by love and support from my friends and family. But that's probably selfish of me to say - the "underwhelmed" part, at least.

    Everyone - and I do mean EVERYONE - has their own battles they're dealing with - every single day. Sometimes, keeping up with your own battle is literally all a person can do. I'm coming to understand that. Some battles may seem trite in comparison to others - but that's no one's place to judge. Certainly not my place.

    I have found that there is quiet strength in bareness, in brokenness - in utter humanness.

    When you wish to not endure another breath - you still breathe. When you hope to wake up and have everything be a horrible, untrue nightmare - you DO wake up and reality stares you in the face. When you want so badly to DO SOMETHING - to help, to lessen hurt, to take away despair - you find that your presence is all that you can give and that, sometimes, that's enough.

    I feel like I've grown up, grown out - been stretched, been refined.

    Some of the battles have not ended; some have barely begun. I do not know what the future holds and I do not have the pleasure of knowing "Who" holds the future, as that old adage goes. But, today, I am fine. I am strong. I will make it and, as much as possible, my love will help others make it, too.
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