I was amazed and couldn't understand why so many messages arrived one day. Then I discovered my story from a year ago was chosen to be The Cowbird Daily Story. Funny thing - it is almost the same time this year. I could have written it yesterday.
Thank you all for your great feedback. It warmed my heart. I have been following your stories just could not write myself. I saw so much talent every day and though I started many times I had the feeling it was not enough. What had I to say the others hadn't already said better? And I had some rough times this past year. Not complaining just explaining. I was in a very dark place for quite some time and slowly, so slowly I started coming out of it this spring. It became possible because I had been reading a lot, talked a lot with the people I love, tried to find my inner peace and balance again.
After countless hours of soul-searching I decided I must not take everything into my heart so much. People say mean things, they act carelessly and they are thoughtless - but that is just the way it is and not everyone is like that. I must not do stupid mistakes like trusting the wrong person or confiding in someone who really isn't worth it and everything would be all right.
I really am so grateful to my family. They have been there for me and one particular incident made a huge difference. Namely - I had (well, still have) a huge project and due to some unfortunate circumstances it has been really hard to make it work. So I asked for help and in two cases I chose a totally wrong person. The first one promised to help and then disappeared without a word and the other told me no help was available because I haven't been in contact for several months. That last one was really a blow and for days I wondered if I was really that bad an individual. Then I told this story to my son and he looked at me like I was crazy and then said the words that changed everything.
'Did this person contact you to ask what was wrong? No?! So it is not you that is heedless.'
It was kind of humiliating to hear someone half my age telling me something I should have known myself. But that is how it is - sometimes we need others to tell us things that are so obvious we don't even realise it.
But the main thing is - I think I am looking at life more optimistically now and maybe I can even write something. So much has happened this past year. To all of you - dear Cowbirders - thank you for all your wonderful stories.