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Identity Theft by Thom Hoffman
 

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  • Identity Theft

    It was an awkward case of identity theft.
    I wouldn’t have minded if it was,
    more like a normal robbery
    someone takes something of yours, and you no longer have it.
    But my New Year’s Resolution was to be,
    significantly less like the me, you can see, on my driving license.
    Only now there’s two of us;
    but he seems to be doing it right
    The bank statement shows that
    he reads Proust, spends his weekends in Sweden, and has haircuts that cost £30

    I once tried to change myself. ordering an entire new wardrobe from ASOS.
    A model chance to Save Our Souls, with discounted canvas shoes and fake glasses.
    But the task of changing yourself is a big one, an order too tall to fit through the letterbox
    And so it was, that days later, I find a note under the welcome matt
    ‘Your package has been left in a safe place by the bins’
    But there’s no safe place by the bins here.
    So I’m condemned to forever scan the Kilburn High Road for opportunist criminals in pastel green shorts, and powerful wolf patterned shirt and skinny tie combination.
    And I wonder if he wears those clothes, and whether they affected his identity,
    Changed how people reacted to him,
    changed the course of his life even....
    An opportunity you couldn’t refuse;
    delivered a chance to step into someone elses shoes.

    The first crime I faced provides a timely reminder;
    mugged for my mini disc player in 2002.
    Intervention provided by God
    An insurance trade, guaranteed an upgrade to an iPod
    But this time, this theft, has not left this me, bereft of that me
    no updated versions.
    no new hardware.
    no chance to start again.

    But maybe... if I spend £30 on a haircut,
    I guess I've always wanted to go to Sweden
    I’d love to read Proust
    I could buy a treadmill
    jjoin the RSPB
    buy A signed copy of Breaking Bad on DVD
    Get a leatherbound never-ending story kindle cover
    ….
    maybe I won’t phone the bank just yet
    I can't help but wonder what he’ll buy next
    this model.
    A chance to step into someone else's shoes.
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