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  • There's a nonstop battle in my head questioning my true identity and who I aspire to be.

    In my head, I am/want to be a semi mainstream shunning feminist that knows all of the best underground bands, can sing every word of every Bob Dylan song and has an impeccable 80's girl power band influenced style.

    Yet in reality, I find myself a beach bum, social media addict Ke$ha and Tswift jamming twenty year old that likes laying in bed on rainy days watching horrible TV; not being productive and truly searching out good inspiration.

    This terrifies me. I used to have an affinity for spending my days reading, creating and discovering. Now I just sit on Facebook. Gosh, even just writing that makes me hate myself.

    "This is semi normal." I tell myself this. I'm a college kid. Sometimes, I just need days full of episodes of The Real World, eating cookies and talking to mom about boys that I've already wasted so much energy on.
    It is, right?

    I guess this is what it means being in my twenties. Total states of confusion, but a desire to embrace the suck and move on with it, trying to let things happen. It better be. After all, I still have so much more discovering to do. So, so, so much.

    And now to the cause of this debate; I'VE LOST MY SPARK. I used to be bursting of desire to create. Now it's a struggle. Ugh, just ugh. This is a first and has reached the point of me not being able to put my ever so awkward/writeable boy encounters into words. You know its bad when that happens. Terrible. Inspiration, come back, come back wherever you are. I kinda, sorta, really miss you.
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