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  • Today hasn't been going the way I expected it to and I've been feeling kind of anxious about that. I have to remind myself some days not to be such a control freak.

    I used to have lots of these photo booth photos from when I was little. This is the worst of them, my mother looks strange trying to hold onto me as I had leaned forward out of her grasp but I think it sort of captures my personality. This is the true essence of me, forged at three or four years old. Even then I had to be the one in control, pressing the buttons.

    I buried this core person deep inside me for a number of years when my childhood got tougher and I withdrew and became very hidden, but I reconnected with her fearless, adventurous, bossy little spirit inside me when I found acting in my late twenties.

    I never did quite understand the fact that in life, when you press the button, it doesn't always do what it's supposed to do instantly. It still frustrates me and makes me want to keep persistently pressing to see why things aren't doing what they should when I want them to.

    One day maybe I'll get the hang of working my own buttons.
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