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  • This has been so much harder than I ever imagined it would be. I thought I went through all the grieving, allowed myself to feel it, shared it with my family, shared theirs, and at some point, it would be behind me, and life would go on.

    While some of that has happened - life certainly has gone on - I know that I am still going through the grieving. There's still an empty place, a hole, where once there was my relationship with Mom. The loss has been more profound than I ever could have imagined. There is still an underlying sadness that seems to run through my days, that I'm finding hard to shake. I'm not complaining - it just is what it is. There is also much joy in my life, much to be grateful for, and I am. But, I keep finding myself up against that wall of sadness, when I least expect it.

    I just miss my Mom. I miss our talks. I miss playing Mah Johng and Scrabble with her. I miss discussing current events with her. She played such a central role in my life, especially these past 16 years or so, since Dad had left us. She and Kathy were best friends. We helped her move on with her life after Dad passed. She so appreciated it.

    I know this will get better. I know the sadness will lessen, and time will do its healing thing. It always does.

    Today is her first birthday that I couldn't call her up and wish her a happy birthday on. It's also Monday - my day of the week to call her.

    This is one of my favorite pictures of her, that I took as we sat together on the beach, both completely defiant of Mother Nature and the incoming storm that was brewing behind us. She was in all her glory, sitting on the beach, looking out at the ocean. That storm nailed us, completely drenched us, and we laughed all the way to the car, oxygen, wheelchair, wet sand and all. One of my favorite memories of her!

    She was the best Mom in the world, and I was so lucky to call her mine. Happy Birthday, Mom! I miss you SO much.
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