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  • It was just me and the shit umbrella.
    I had not christened it the shit umbrella.
    Yet.
    But soon it failed me.
    I had left Primark with my purchase.
    Never again will I choose my umbrella based on the question
    Is it or is it not leopard print?
    The rain fell heavily.
    The wind gave chase.
    I braced the umbrella, but the motion
    Made it splinter.
    Fragments of metal
    Spikes and spokes
    Useless fabric
    All had betrayed me
    The umbrella fell apart in my hands
    I was going to get wet
    Should I get my money back?
    There was only one thing left to do.
    I took the shit umbrella
    And I shoved it
    Very hard and firmly
    Into the nearest bin.
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