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  • I wish that I could go back in time to the night we met and warn myself about him; that though he would seem like an angel at first, deep down he was trouble and that his world was way crazier than mine. I wish.

    I should have listened to my roommates when they told me that he was just playing with my head and I didn't mean anything to him. I was just his toy; nothing more.

    If I was smart, I would have taken the whole "I'm too busy to see you in person, but lets text for hours" hint and ran. But I didn't. Instead, I kept on buying his story, digging myself deeper and deeper into his hole every day.

    There was something about him that captivated me from the moment he caught my eye; an unspoken edge I suppose. He wasn't a goody two shoes like me, but instead, a wild one, totally unpredictable. He did what he wanted, when he wanted and nothing held him back. I think that's what made him so amazing to me: his recklessness. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't figure him out. Something tells me he did that on purpose; to always keep me coming back to him.

    Our "Facebook relationship" as I called it was beyond my imagination. I swear, we spoke to each other like we had been dating for years; nonstop flirting and always plugging at one another's weaknesses. I was never able to understand how we were able to say all of that stuff to each other so easily.

    He turned me into a rebel of sorts. He forced me to talk about things that I would typically run away from. He made me so crazy, crazier than anyone else had. The worst part is, he has no idea. He'll never know that despite the fact that we have maybe seen each other in person for two hours in total, he managed to change me more than any other guy I've talked to. I wish I could tell him.

    But, I'll never be able to. Recently, he just totally disconnected from me completely out of the blue. I think it was because I told him the truth; that I wanted to know more about him than the superficial details. Like most things about him, I'll never know the exact reason. It doesn't sting though. What does is the fact that I think we both missed out on something that could have been really great, I think.

    Something in my heart tells me that this isn't the end of our story though. In just over a month, he's coming to America. Part of me can't help but think that I'll suddenly be unblocked from Facebook and he'll go back to right where we left off. Yet, even deeper in my heart, I know that even if he does come back, he's not even worth my time. I deserve better. Shannon, you deserve better.

    So much for finding my Irish rebel prince, that's for sure.
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