I don't love him. I don't believe in love. Not yet.
Not in a nihilistic way. I just don't think I'm capable of that kind of love. Not quite yet.
I love my mom. I love her so much. I always have to tell her that before I go to bed each night, or else I lie awake worrying that I'll get up in the morning to find that something terrible has happened to her and that I never got to tell her I loved her.
I love my friends. I tell them that in passing, like it's a joke, but I really do love them.
I love my cat. Hell, I love my African Dwarf frogs. I fully love them, and I tell them that. I figure that on some level they can feel that I love them, even if it's only in the very depths of their little froggy souls.
But I don't tell him that. It's been seven months, and not once have I told him I loved him.
It's always, "I care about you".
I think it's because I haven't lived enough yet to love someone in that way.
But maybe it's because someday it will end, and I don't ever want to lose something that I love.
Maybe it's because I have a limited number of "I love yous", and I don't want to waste them and run out early.
Then why am I telling my frogs that I love them?
I don't know.
Perhaps I haven't lived enough yet to not be falling in love.