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  • Dear Hawkeye,

    It hasn’t even been a day and I can’t believe how much I miss you. I miss you when I get up to get something and look down to make sure I don’t step on you. I miss you when I go into the kitchen and look outside to see if you want to come in. I miss you when I come home and think to let you in. I miss you when there’s leftovers I know would make you jump to eat. I miss you whenever it’s silent in my room, your breathing no longer here to fill the void. Each time I forget you’re gone it feels like a scar on my heart is being picked at. I can’t believe you’re gone.

    I’m not mad at you for leaving, please know that. You were weak and that’s okay. It broke my heart to see you try so hard to get up. It broke my heart to pick you up only to watch you fall so easily. It broke my heart to hear you cry and know there was nothing I could do to make it better. Puppy, I wanted so bad to make it better.I’m sorry. I hope you know how much you mean to me and how hard it was to make this decision, but I know it’s what was best and I know you were ready. But knowing those things doesn’t make it any easier.

    I love you more than life itself. I love you more than anybody I’ve ever met. And how could I not? You had the most positive attitude I’ve ever seen. You loved everybody you met. Any love somebody gave you, you gave back twice as much. You are the greatest creature I have ever met. You are kind and you are gentle and you are good. Nobody has made me as happy as you have. You were always there for me to pet when I was crying over Steve or my parents or just anything. You were there to keep me calm during my anxiety attacks. You sat there and I pet you and everything was okay. You make things okay.

    You are the best gift I have ever received. I will always be grateful to Gavin and Thom for choosing us to keep you. You were fourteen years old when we got you and nobody expected you to live through the year. You gave us almost three amazing years. You lived through being thrown out of a car and a stroke at the age of fifteen. You are crazy, baby. Thank you for being such a good dog. Thank you for those three years. My life will be forever changed for the better because of you. You made me the happiest mommy in the world. You were the perfect dog, even when you woke me up in the middle of the night to pee. You were endlessly forgiving and full of love. I don’t know what I’ll do without you every night.

    You touched so many people’s lives. Even your grandpa loved you. When we first got you he said he wasn’t going to get attached but like everybody else, he loved you like crazy. Once in the winter when it was snowing really bad, grandpa covered you up your blanket and made you a nice cocoon. Even we didn’t put you in a cocoon. And this morning when we let you go, there were tears in his eyes. You touched so many lives with your charisma. You held such a presence in every room. You were the crazy daredevil of dogs. I am so grateful you were in my life.

    I’m going to miss your soft ears. Kissing your face everywhere; kissing your snout and your cheek and your forehead and your ear and sometimes by accident your nose. I’m going to miss your sneezes that shook your whole body and sometimes made you slam your chin on the floor. I’m going to miss the way you sometimes gently ran in your sleep or the little sounds you would sometimes make. I’m going to miss your smile. I’m gonna the way you cringed when I poked your nose. The way you would stand perfectly still and horribly sad when we gave you a bath. I’m going to miss your nose pushing my hand up so I can keep petting you. Or the way you would dig into my arm or my legs when I would stop petting you so I would be forced to keep going. Or the way your leg would kick back and forth when we pet you in just the right spot. I’m going to miss the laundry sheet clogged with lint and fur. I’ll miss the way you howled when you wanted a walk. I’m sorry I didn’t walk you more. I’m sorry I didn’t play fetch with you more when you could still play. I’ll miss the way you always got scared and walked away whenever we would speak loudly. I’ll miss the cute look on your face when you were confused. Or how peaceful you looked when you were asleep. I could go on forever because I’m going to miss everything about you. Who is going to be excited and run to us when we come home from Keystone? I just can’t believe you’re gone. You were supposed to be invincible.

    Mommy loves you so much. I will never not love you. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I miss you so much. You’re my baby. You will always be my baby. I wish you weren’t gone. But I’m happy you’re not in pain. I hope you’re happy. I just want you to be happy. I don’t want to let go. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Thank you. Thank you. I don’t want this to be the end. I’m sorry. I’m going to miss you so much. I love you.

    Mommy.

    Mommy
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