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  • One of the things that my experience of last year led me to was, a looking at everything that's in my life, and asking the simple question, "Why?" I like to think of this as one of Mom's parting gifts to me.

    I was just reminded of once, probably 16 or so years ago, when we were all down in South Carolina for a week on the beach. Back then, the crew that went down there for that week could all fit in one large beach house (nowadays, it takes 3 - 5 houses to contain us all, depending on who all makes it down that year).

    One night, Everyone was gathered around the TV in the living room of the house, watching a thriller (Scream, I think it was), everyone freaking out at the scarier scenes, some of the littler ones getting really scared, when out of nowhere, from the upstairs sitting room, came the voice of Mom, with one, simple, questioning, incredulous word - "WHY?!?!?" (Mom wasn't big into thrillers, at least not the modern, more graphic version of them). That became the standard, running line in the family for many years after. All you had to do was say "WHY?!?!", and everyone would crack up.

    But, back to "Why?" as a parting gift from her. Spending much of her last 3 months with her, and especially those last 11 hours at her side, changed me, and I think I'm just now waking up to that fact. Trying to reconcile who I am, now, with what is in my life. Looking at each thing, and asking that very simple question - "WHY?!?!"

    Some of the answers that try to bubble their way into my consciousness feel like a scary movie at first - I close my eyes (trying to close my mind) to make them go away - but, I cannot hide from them. I can't just turn the channel, hoping they will go away.

    It's time to wake up and face the truth. I've changed - I'm not the same person I was a year ago. I need to look around, ask the question, and then listen for the answer. And just, pay attention to it.

    Then make some choices.

    It's really very simple...just, not so easy.

    Why?

    That's life!
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