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  • Do you miss me now that I'm gone? (So gone.) I wouldn't know. I refuse to let myself care. All those boys denying me so much. One after another. I gave one 5 years. Another 5 years to the next. Months upon months to those that followed.

    Do you miss the boy that laughed? I laughed so long and hard until I hit the floor.

    Do you miss the boy that danced? I would move my hips slow and stare you down.

    Do you miss the boy that wrote? Poems, letters, and notes with your names on them.

    Do you miss the boy so loyal? I never cared about anything more than I cared for you.

    Now I'm the one that you'll never have again and now you know the comparison of what comes after. Your men will fuck other men and make you cold as stone. Your men will sit on the side lines smoking cigarettes while life passes them by. Your men will be at half an hour intervals via Craigslist. Your men will tell you they love you but they will just be words, and someday you will try to find it in their movements and actions. And you will find nothing. They won't stroke your hair after a long summer day. They won't cradle you in their arms in the back of a car of a cold parking lot once you've lost it all. They won't deny themselves and put you first, ever.

    I will always be the one that was first, that was true, that was present. All those memories locked tight inside my memory. Now I see past you. Now I know life after each of you. And no one will ever know those beautiful moments we shared. And as you each know, we will never speak again. Because I am so gone.
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