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  • "It's not always a blind man who falls in a pit. Sometimes it's one who can see." RUMI

    I've been making some strange choices, lately. Well, not strange. They're just old choices. Yesterday, I had a very difficult session because I was sleepy. A few minutes after I finished meditating, I realized that I needed to be at the library for a project in less than an hour. I still had my pajamas on and had to take a shower. I also had completely forgotten about this project and hadn't done anything to prepare for it. So, I was jolted out of my relaxed state into a state of panic. With the great days I've had over the last couple of months, it was eye-opening to see how if I let myself get swept up in this panic (like I previously did on a regular basis), the whole day is affected. Yesterday was a day of grumpiness and constant catch-up. I haven't had a day like that in a while. They use to be my normal days.

    Today, I got up a little earlier, which I find to be more productive. I had a fairly good session - although my mind keeps flitting. I'm trying to keep from letting it bother me. Being the closet perfectionist that I am, that is a difficult task. Finding my breath and focusing on that is what easily lets that go. Some days are more difficult than others. My to-do lists have been enormous, lately, which doesn't help. I find myself thinking about crazy things during meditation. Sometimes it's my tasks for the coming hours or the last episode of The Walking Dead (this surprisingly comes up in my meditation a lot - haha). However, if I go back to my breath, it usually floats away.

    I've also committed myself to something that I told myself that I wouldn't go back to. It's not horrible, but sometimes it brings up old ruminations and behaviors. I'm trying to look at it as a test or a lesson.
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