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  • How I wish to find it. This story is not about me finding it, its about how I realized that I need to find it, and my journey starts now. I was in the church when I was a kid. I was brought up in a strict, loving family with 5 brothers. I was at peace then. When I became 19 everything sorta changed for me. All those compressed growing up emotions wanted out. So I dumped my fiance, ran off to Arizona, my family came for me, took me back home, and there I was stuck again. Thats when I lost everything within my heart. I started doing things behind my parents back. I went out on saturday nights, got drunk, had sex, and then came home and pretended to go to church the following day but really went to the mall to get outfits for my nights out. To some people this might not be a big deal, but when all your life you never got any freedom at all to be your own person, this was like sky diving. I fell, and it felt good and dangerous at the same time.
    Anyway, so that was that. The worst part, is that I met a person that took advantage of my weak mindset, and I sorta did bad things. Thats another story all together. Since the day I left my home, I never had peace. I am married and have a child now, and I keep wanting to go back to that place where I was happy with myself and I had a goal and I really wanted to achieve it kinda mentality. Now I am just a roller coaster of emotions. I question my marriage a lot, I am not even sure if I am happy with him. Sometimes I am I guess. I want to find this peace so I can be satisfied with what I have because right now I am not. I want to learn to be grateful and love with all I got.
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