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  • What could she be waiting for?

    She wasn't looking out to sea, she wasn't admiring the sculpture, she walked around it with a cell phone, slowly. She was an intrusion, this girl, obstructing my view, she annoyed me at first. I waited for her to move off to the side so that I could get a shot of the steel ship without her in it, and while I waited, the fog moved in. The light changed, the motif lost its appeal. It turned colder and started to rain, she kept circling the ship. She wasn't dressed for the weather, but she didn't seem to mind.

    She couldn't have been more than fourteen, a slender girl with auburn hair, orbiting a stranded ship, an obscured dream, she could have been me. I didn't need much to keep me warm, either, back then. I was hardly present, anyway.

    *

    They kept telling me I had to stop circling the truth, take a step back and look at it from a distance, stand still long enough for the answers to reveal themselves. I didn't listen.

    I was impatient. I knew full well that the answers were to be found somewhere inside the depths of my soul, but although I could sense them I was unable to grasp them, my inner landscape was clouded. I searched far and wide for a passage of clarification, following the call from an elusive dream, ignoring the draft from my gut. I failed, miserably. Time after time I circled the misty truth, afraid to challenge it, explore it, venture into the unknown. I didn't realize that the mist would evaporate if I looked directly at it.

    I finally gave in and took a step back, then another, and another. I moved further and further away and ended up in a place where I was able, at last, to connect the dots. I plotted them into the chart, and it seems so obvious now, the route I have struggled so long to find.

    *

    I know where I'm going. For the first time in my life I know exactly where to go, and how to get there. I will never return to the girl I was before, I'm leaving her to orbit her own shadow, her stranded ship, to wear that stone circle down. My truth is finally unfolding. I've found the passage, I've set sail for my inner landscape, if you can't see me it's because I'm already in there.
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