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  • I went to my parents for dinner and I cried out of only one eye. I wonder what that means. Does it mean I’m only partially sad? I’ve never really been good at the whole grief thing. Maybe I only do grief half assed. There is something about grief I am reticent to give myself to fully. Perhaps it is because I fear once I do it will be like stepping into an ocean. I will get swept away with the current. I will lose myself in the process. But that is the point isn’t it? Mustn’t we lose ourselves to find ourselves again?

    And why was I crying? My tears were unexplainable. It was as simple as turning on and off a faucet. Something had caused it to turn on and throughout dinner the faucet leaked drops of tears down my right eye and into the fish stew. It was a very polite sort of cry. I didn’t want to ruin supper.

    Yet to cry out of two eyes would be such a relief. At least then I would know I was normal, that I had the ability to shed some normal tears. Nothing else in my life seems very normal these days. Can’t I at least have that?
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