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  • Home, a word that can bring forth so many feelings, emotions, and memories. I word that I never seem to find important or true meaning until I was halfway across the world.

    This is my 5th time visiting my motherland. Viet Nam. Even though I was never born there, I had always considered it my mother land. From the beautiful stories I've heard from my parents growing up. My mom and dad always talked to about it, how much they missed Viet Nam. How much they wished to be back, to see their family. I never truly understood how they felt, I just latched on, but now, now I truly feel it. I feel what they feel. Viet Nam was their Home. The place that brought back their childhood memories. The images of their family their friends. What they saw out the window when they first wake up and looked outside. A way of living. A Home, an irreplaceable concept in their hearts.

    I have always prided myself as being a very culturally intact person. Thanks to my parent's stories and lessons, I have always pride myself in being cultural. My parents raised me to be fluent in Vietnamese, which I have to admit had been very useful to me. But being here, I realized I am immersing myself in my parent's home. I miss my home. Which is back there, in California. It's a scary realization to make, you feel almost guilty, like your abandoning a part of yourself, the Vietnamese part. But the truth is. My home is there, not here. Not to make it seem like I hate this place. But to me this place is just to me it's temporary, home is irreplaceable.

    This trip, I gathered up all the guts I had to go on my own. I insisted on doing everything on my own. I wanted to take upon this challenge, to learn something new. Even though it really has been hard, I have to admit I have learned many things. I finally have a very deep understanding for my parents. The kind of courage it takes for them to leave their home, and start somewhere new. How scary it is, and how incredibly difficult it is. I feel it, I feel how they felt, and how leaving their home to try to start anew feels. At least I know after 3 months I'll be back, my parent's knew they couldn't come back.

    It's like you are standing in the middle of a huge map, because you are unable to visualize anything. Everything is too new, that you haven't gathered the memory for this place. The streets are unfamiliar. People look at you and know you aren't from here. Sometimes they laugh at you, at the stupid things you do. Sometimes they are helpful sometimes they make it worse. You try and ignore, and you try to soak in as much information as you can for future reference. I never realized how many things I took for granted. Transportation. Driving really is a privilege. I imagine how my parents felt when they first immigrated to the U.S, not being able to drive themselves, having to learn how to drive and how scary that is. Having to learn the streets, using public transportation in an unfamiliar place, having to ask people for help. It honestly is difficult. My mom always told me how she gets very scared when she's lost, and I never understood why. "If your lost, just ask someone mom, go on the internet on your phone. There's nothing to be scared of." How ignorant of me. I was lost the other day. I didn't know how to ask anyone, I just felt scared, even when I asked them and they told me the streets to how to get home, I couldn't grasp it because I didn't know the streets. Just abandoned in the middle of honestly nowhere. Walking up and down the street with people staring at you, trying to visualize where you are.That's being lost. I was never honestly lost back home, because it was my home.

    Even though I am very appreciative of the time I have here in Viet Nam. I have to honestly say, Home. I miss you. I miss my parent's faces. I miss waking up in the morning and looking out the window and seeing what I am used to seeing. I miss my friends. I miss being surrounded by them, I miss being able to call them up and we would be able to hang out. I miss the places I am used to going to eat, going to hang out. I miss the front door of my home. I now understand so much, including how it legitimately feels to be home sick.

    The point is, no matter matter how much fun I can have here. No matter how great it is here. Home will always be home, it's irreplaceable.
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