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  • Life is a trip, sometimes. It’s hard to believe that less than a week ago, I was suffering from a bad case of the “winter doldrums”, that feeling of being landlocked in the middle of winter, with no way out, no path to the light, feeling enveloped by darkness. Expressing it here seemed to be the beginning of that feeling going away. The next day,it seemed that every story I read spoke directly to me, and had the cumulative effect of lifting me right out of those doldrums.

    I wound up having an amazing week. There was a big two and a half day meeting at work, dealing with this major initiative that I’m playing a lead role on, the one that the big boss keeps characterizing as “the most important thing we’ve done in 40 years” (and it is), as he looks directly at me with a deadly serious expression that says, “So don’t fuck it up, Pete”, and which I keep laughing back and saying, (when my confidence and faith in the universe are strong), “we got this, Al - all is where it should be. Relax!”

    This week helped confirm to me that we really do “got this”. The players that need to be stepping up, are, and the ones who seemingly could screw it all up, aren’t managing to do so yet (despite their best efforts), so it’s moving right along. I refuse to succumb to worry or fear about the outcome, as I know it will be exactly as it should be. The only way I can fuck it up, is if I forget to remember who is in control, here. Here’s a clue - it’s not me, and it’s not Al. I continue to place my faith and trust in the universe, as I understand it. It hasn’t let me down in the past 30 years – why should it do so now?

    I put a story out there, kind of tongue-in-cheek but with a level of reality, wondering if you all are real and the fact that in 10 months, I’d yet to meet one of you. That launched a most riveting dialogue, through Retells, which managed to convince me that - if you’re not real, neither am I, in which case we’re all just one unreal flippin’ global community putting out amazingly real-seeming made-up stories... and if that’s the case, as we used to say back in the early 70’s, "far-fucking-out, man!" In Pittsburgh, we had an abbridged version of that saying – simply “Fuckin’ A!”
  • One of those Retells was from Kristin, saying “I think we work about 4 blocks away from each other”, and that was the case. So, we met for lunch on Friday, and had a great time talking about Cowbird and journeys and writing and blogging - a most energetic exchange in the Department of Energy’s cafeteria! Sorry, neither one of us thought to take a picture (what were we thinking?!?), so we can’t prove that this real life Cowbird meeting actually happened – you’re just going to have to take my word for it. Trust me – I’m from the Federal Government! (Little inside humor, there).

    And, just in case you were wondering - no, Clem did not show up in his kilt and bagpipe to entertain us, Ben and Dickie did not go sailing by in their lobster boat on the Potomac, Kathy didn’t appear on a ladder outside my office to fix the woodwork in the hallway, Jaga didn’t pass by on Independence Avenue with a unicorn and wave at Fred preaching and singing on the corner, Diane did not stroll through leading a Mexican tour of the Capital, and, as far as I know, Burt was not hanging out at the lion’s den at the National Zoo with his pet Wolf – as far as I know. I didn’t go there to check it out. He might have been there. I’ve learned to never underestimate Burt. He roars and howls with the best of them. But, Kristin actually did show up for lunch. I swear she did.

    So, now that that ice is broken, maybe this will be the year that I actually meet more of you.

    Fuckin’ A!
  • In other developments, Kathy (my wife) and I went to a wedding reception last night for a guy and his new wife from the 12 Step group I've rejoined, that just had me in awe of the power of the universe, and recovery, all evening. Here was a guy who, when we last saw him, 13 years ago, was a miserable, paranoid, angry-at-the-world, in a relationship with a lady who, if it was possible, was even more miserable than he, and who seemed determined to try to "fix" him - you know, one of those really dysfunctional co-dependent deals. Now he was with this beautiful Indian girl, and the two of them just radiated genuine love for each other. From spending the past month and a half with the guy, I could see that his whole life had turned around, and he was happy now, despite himself. He still was an incessant worrier, and has that "gloom and doom" thing going on in the back of his head, like I used to, about his financial sky falling in on him - but, despite all of that, he's happy, in a wonderful relationship, and last night, we got to really enjoy and help celebrate what they've found, together.

    Sitting with us was another guy from the group and his wife. 13 years ago he was a hopeless junkie who just couldn't stop using. He never stopped coming around to that group, continuing to do so for many years after we left - he knew there was something there - and, then the miracle happened, and that man got well. It's now his group. He got me to come back there, and now there is nowhere else you would find me on a Friday night. I know where I need to be. He met his wife a couple years after he found recovery. You could tell they were very happy together.

    I tell you, there is nothing more fulfilling in my life than what I got to witness last night. I got to spend the evening with a couple of miracles.

    Fuckin' A!
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