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  • I'm here, so...what now?

    In the beginning of a big change, there is optimism, excitement, hope, a true wanderlust. The possibilities seem endless and each one seems better than the last. But then reality sets in and in the case of trying to become an actress, the reality is that everything you've heard (about how difficult it is to succeed) is pretty much true.

    Growing up in a generation which taught me that I am special, unique and entitled is both beneficial and somewhat hindering. I would be lying if I said I didn't hope to be "different". I hoped that somehow I'd arrive in LA and wouldn't have to go through the process of continuous rejection, broken promises and dead ends. During my first week of being here, I booked my first audition & earned my first $50...playing a scorned ex-fiance on a not-so-real reality court TV show, which soon became something I hoped no one would ever actually see. The perspective of viewing acting as a craft, as a passion or art form means that just being on TV does NOT equal any sort of sense of success (in fact sometimes it can render the opposite sentiment). Though I HOPED things would be different for me, I didn't EXPECT them to be. That said, the slow moving nature of attaining my ambitions is not actually what has been the most difficult part of this adjustment for me.

    Upon arriving in Los Angeles, I already had a part time job--nannying for a lovely family I met through a previous job. However, that is not enough to sustain any sort of life in this city, so the search for cliche job #2 commenced--restaurant work. Even though there seriously has to be one bagillion eating establishments in this city, it is incredibly hard to actually be invited to work in one of them. Especially when your most recent resume credits include middle school teacher and suicide prevention specialist.

    "That's great, good for you...but what do you know about cocktails?"

    Transitioning from a career life in which your voice, passion and education is valued and regarded to one of which is based on making the lives of others easier and more enjoyable is challenging... and incredibly humbling.

    So this is what being an actress means: working doing anything and everything besides acting so you can actually pay your bills and if you're lucky going on a few auditions when you're not doing that "anything/everything". However, despite that harsh reality I still feel surprisingly optimistic. For, I may be serving others for a living BUT I feel like I'm finally climbing the right ladder. Meaning, I'm moving in the direction I want to go, I'm doing the have-to's in order to attain the want-to's. I'm learning more about myself and what I'm capable of (and NOT capable of) and how to live life in the "in-between" that is the period of adjustment.
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