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  • I had an epiphany today......I have a much loved friend who has a difficult life....
    We talk on the phone every now and then and he tells me stories of how many things aren't working in his life.....because I want him to be happy, I offer up advice...solutions that might make things better, and he offers up the reasons that what I share won't work for him.
    When we hang up I feel sad and frustrated and I doubt he feels any better....it's a dance.
    I love him and it is painful to hear his unhappiness.

    I know sometimes when I'm the listener, like with my friend, I am forming my opinion, judging him, coming up with a plan, rather than simply giving him a place to be heard...I can't fix his situation, and thinking about it now he hasn't asked me to....he is just telling....and most likely all he wants me to do is deeply listen, and let him know that he is being heard...
    I want to hear his voice and know how he is doing but I don't have to put on a Miss Fix-It hat. I just need to give him a safe place to share. I can be fully there for him, just listening....connecting with his words.

    I have lifted the pressure off of myself.
    I will hear him with my heart instead of my head. Just listening, giving him safer place to share.... letting go of my belief that if only he would listen, and DO what I suggest, everything would be good.... yikes!! EGO... and I think I do it a lot... think I can fix things, things that aren't mine to fix. It is often simply in the telling and being heard that we find our own answers.


    Someone to tell it to is one of the fundamental needs of human beings...
    Miles Franklin...

    photo by me...Second life a Virtual World...
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