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  • Dear 2013 Me,

    Hey you! Should I ask how you are today? You shouldn't have peeked at this letter until 12/26/13. Do you remember last Christmas...the one where you sat on the sofa and cried? Yeah that one. The one where your heart was big and breaking because you thought you were a fool and no one wanted you, then you decided to break out the Big Time Abandonment Issues and the Cabernet. Things pretty much spiraled down from there.There was a ton of other stuff you cried over, mostly because you missed your kids because they went to spend the rest of the holiday with their dad. I have to say, I am proud of you for leaving that same old Pity Party you visit when things don't quite go the way you think they should. (I don't know why you don't decline the invitation permanately but, you haven't just yet. Something to think about.) But you did leave the party, washed your bed sheets, made your bed and even fluffed your pillows. That helped. Girl, you even swept the floors and lit a scented candle. That takes balls for someone feeling as rotten as you did.

    Yeah, you turned forty this year. The big 4-0. The wrinkles seem a little deeper now and the cellulite... well, let's just think of it as a luxury you even get to notice things like that about yourself in this crazy ass world. You will be 41 when you read this. Go even easier on yourself.

    Did you do the things you wanted to do this past year?
    Are you even still alive? Did you get a new prescription for your glasses... the one you know you need? What about recaulking the bathtub?

    Are you getting ready to student teach in the spring? Or did you change your mind on your masters and decide to pursue the Masters in Creative Writing? I'm dying to know.

    How about that marathon? You wrote it down like this: "I will train and complete _______ Marathon on _______, 2013 at a _____ pace." on a slip of paper. Did your foot heal enough to endure the training or were brave enough to fill in the blanks in the first place? If you didn't, then you should of.

    And what about a guy. You've said that "You just don't have time." That's such a line. It really is. I hope you still aren't using it. I hope you did something about that this year, like I don't know, go out on a date. With a nice man, who may or may not have an interest in Indie music and Airstreams. Can you just let that one requirement go? Focus on just enjoying one nice meal with the opposite sex on more than a platonic level. I hope you did your hair and fussed a little bit more over your makeup for the date... opting for lipstick over Chapstick. I know you would be a little nervous, that's ok... you might have even had what some people call "F-U-N". But I really just hope you ignored the riff raff still dragging around an old girlfriend/ex-wife, a mid life crisis, or just your average self-absorbed, lying SOB and held onto the small, hopeful belief that there are good guys still out there. And love is possible with one of them.

    And what about all the finances stuff. The biggest of all your fears. Did you put that money down on the house? What about the money market? Are you still recoiling in a financial fetal position from the devastation of the foreclosure? Maybe you took that trip with the kids up to the park in Virginia? Or maybe it just got sucked down the tube of daily living and squandered. You are doing a better job with money than ever before. Hey, high five, being a single mom isn't easy. "Borrowing From Peter to Pay Paul" is your financial lifestyle. Just know I love you anyway.

    What you really want is to go teach kids in another country. I know you do. Just admit it, you are drawn to Thailand, but why and how and what's just the right time? That seems almost impossible. This big, hairy ass audacious dream of yours that you cut off right when you start to think about it.

    Dare to dream girl, dare to dream.
    The world hasn't ended for a reason.


    All the best,
    Me
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