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  • My last girlfriend was a mathematician. She told me that once all the love was gone there was nothing and I asked if that meant there was zero love left. No, she said, nothing and zero are not the same.

    Fine, I said, but I feel like there is something between us. Maybe a few somethings between us. Remember when we read Algebra together? Remember when we watched that documentary on Pi? That can’t all be gone, can it?

    No, she said. There is nothing. Absolutely nothing. In more mathematically precise terms, there is zilch.

    I explained to her that it felt more like zero and that maybe there was a decimal in that zero or a fraction or a cubed root. No, she said. It’s not the same. Trust me. I have a master’s degree.

    Just look at this, I said. I made her a chart out of some spare things in my desk. I wanted to appeal to her sense of reason. You see, I said. This is very scientific. Look. Even though there is nothing, there is clearly something in the middle of the graph.

    Maybe, she said. But where did you get your data?

    Wikipedia, I said.

    Well, she said. I think you need to divide the something by nothing and see what you get.

    After I recovered from the mathematician, I started to date more practical people. I started with a psychiatric nurse and then a gymnast and after that I even considered a trucker.
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