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  • This is a story
    About sugar addiction
    Except this ain't no fable
    It's completely non-fiction
    Because every day
    About ten in the morn
    My body gets tired
    And I let out a yawn
    I start to get hungry
    And my mouth starts to slaver
    I start to get worked up
    All into a lather
    Cos toast just won't do
    Nor porridge, I'd rather
    Have something much sweeter
    A sugary treat
    I should really resist
    But it's so good to eat
    And I know self-restraint
    Will soon taste defeat.

    So I wander on down
    To the vending machine
    Walking six flights of stairs
    (Hoping that will then mean
    That I'll wear off the calories
    From this belly obscene)
    Til I get to the vendor
    And all manner of treasure
    Lies there for the taking
    For the customer's pleasure.

    I then have to choose
    Which delight to purchase
    With which heavenly goodness
    To soon stuff my face
    Should I choose chocolate
    Or something with toffee
    Or those small little spheres
    That sometimes contain coffee
    Or something quite chewy
    Or something quite hard
    Or something as bad for me
    As a big brick o' lard
    Or maybe a lozenge
    Cos ingesting takes ages
    Or a gelatinous egg
    To consume in three stages
    Or something quite crumbly
    To melt in my mouth
    Or faux-fruity flavours
    In the shape of a mouse
    Or a bike or a car
    Or a dog or a house.

    So I maketh my choice
    Prithee let me be sated,
    My heart starts to race,
    My pulse, elevated,
    As I watch the coils turn
    For my treat thus is fated
    To dissolve in my guts
    For a momentary joy
    But what's this, the spring's stuck,
    Oh what maddening ploy!
    Then I shake the thing loose
    Thank the stars for this Bounty
    The most fortunate man
    In all of the county
    And I unwrap it right there
    Cos I've craven it so
    And I savour the taste
    Let the sweet flavour flow.

    And for this transient instant
    I am chemically high
    I indulge in the sin
    Of my sweet alibi
    And let out a long
    Most exultant sigh
    But this time soon is up
    And my high becomes low
    And I remember Mum's lesson
    'Sweets are bad, don't you know?'
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