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  • 'So this is the IT?
    What Seventeen was all about? '

    Annie hoped to god that it wasn't , that this wasn't all.
    All there was.

    But, in quieter times, she knew ...
    Why it was that she was still to young to understand life.
    'It's a huge place', her brother had told her after one of the breakups, "It takes an entire life to see the place"

    Then WHY was she doing all the tricks she could to disappear and hide.
    Was it true that she had already lost her heart?
    Why the doubt?
    What's that all about?
    Why didn't Beth love her anymore?
    What had she done, what was wrong, what was wrong with her?
    so many questions looking back without kowing about standing still, taking a breath, or how to go forward
    Annie was screaming her cry inside
    thought sometimes about permenately being GONE
    Being NO ONE
    anything would be better than this.
    Her tears had dried for the fiftyth time
    If she couldn't tell herself how she felt, what was the point of sharing how it felt to be alone, when she was with Her?

    Too many times, she fell for The Knocking whispers , the hopes beolong to kisses on her only locked door, the break -ins, the theft, the simple lies, were all used to make Her feel as if Beth really was there for her and would be.

    Yet everytime she would open her arms, opening back up to what she had mistaken to what love was

    Ah, the consecquences of being simple, being blind and being such a child . All she wanted was someone to believe in, though she

    couldn't admit she didn't beleive in herself.

    How do you do that?

    Why is it so easy for so many others , while all she was doing , was barely holding on.

    Beth had just called and told her how crappy everyone was and so full of shit.
    Annie listened , still falling apart without her other half, yet feeling some quiet space or difference

    She refused to invite her back over and make it all alright for a few days or the night , make up this running show of pretend. It had happened to many times before.
    Having her back in her arms . making promises, plans, adventureous ideas that never would come
    This time she would be strong, try and hold onto herself , for her own relief and not be left as half a girl without the comfort of real caring love.

    "Annie, would it be ok to come over?"

    She was woken out of her reverie.

    This is ok, let's just talk"

    "Don't you want me anymore?'

    "I need to see you.. pleaseeee"

    Here comes the tears, near the curtain call.
    Beth started to cry and shout , beg, threaten, swear, plead, remind her of how great the best times were and how they could be again.

    And Annie ?
    Was finally admiting how this all reeally made her feel.

    'Hey, its late, lets talk more tomorrow.'

    Beth and Annie never saw each other again.

    27 year old Annie smiled at those first chances at knowing what was waiting for her, inside. Being a real girl
    Claire and her had set the date, enjoying the sweet walk of a lovers simple embrace.
    Balance with excitement, the future would make all the differance, the past had been set free and so had the woman.

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