I write this to you as my first real prayer and I only hope that it echoes across the limitations of earth to reach you where I am currently forbidden. I thought this would make me believe in heaven without a doubt, for you cannot be elsewhere, but I believe heaven is, or should be, limited to few of those which are as rarely pure of soul as you are. I would give up everything and anything to be able to hold you just for a minute and it drives me mad to think I still have no message from you.
You made me breach my capacity to love and if the love we feel is counterbalanced by the pain of loss then I wish this pain would kill me, but it doesn’t. So this means that it’s one more empty and meaningless day here alone and I cannot bear the thought of another. I don’t know if I should wish that I did not feel or that I should soon feel at this capacity again. You were all that mattered so all matters nothing now. I do not believe that years may come to wash away a love like this. I hope that you can hear me wherever you are or I shall be forced to scream at the sky until I know that you are ok and that this was right. If not, I would suffer eternally for you and bear the same fate.
And how I wish that we could die of broken hearts because this is harder that anything imaginable. I shall miss you always, I shall love you even longer, and dream of you at the break of dawn and unwinding of day. There are prints on my heart, thank you for those, I could not have asked for more. For if I strive to be the very best of human height, you shall still surpass me in every way. I would be lucky to have a tenth of your ability to love and be loved.
You have made me better, you have made me feel, and all just by looking at me as if I was flawless and you were eternally grateful. I am the grateful one. I am also scared but I wish that you are at your happiest now even if that means out of the reach of my hands. But you’ll never be out of reach in any other way. If I can handle life without you, then may I be your link to the earth and all its possibility. It does not take a human to move a human soul to ripen to its fullest. And I shall never be moved as such again.