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  • Hello,

    It's been quite some time, and I miss you, but I don't know what that means. I don't know if I want you back, or if I simply realise how different it is without you. I can't remember the day we said goodbye. Did we? Sometimes it feels like I woke up one morning to realise you'd left me to face this world without you. I think I know why you left. I'm sorry I betrayed you. I'm sorry I betrayed everything you stood for. You'd never forgive me, but I ought to apologise all the same.

    You know what, though, I think you owe me an apology too. Because deep down inside, you were always the same. You just never admitted it, and hid behind all the good things in your life. Then you got scared of who you were turning into, and left. You left me and I had to cope with that somehow. You are partly at fault, too.

    I think of you often. Of the innocent glow that used to occupy your eyes, of the pride you held and had every right to. I think of your little mistakes.

    There are a lot of the likes of you, you know. But you're the one I resent most, because you're the one who left me unnaturally. Had things not changed, you would have stayed. But they did, and you left.

    You left me a mess of everything I never wanted to be, but became all the same and learnt to love.

    I am in the process of shedding away the me I became when you left. I am changing because she'd never survive where I am now. I feel sorry for her. And I feel sorry for the me I will become because I know she won't last either.

    I think I am now a puzzle whose pieces don't fit together. Or maybe, probably, they do, but I'm too stupid to see.

    I need my old friend Time to help me. To pass quickly until I'm all grown up and I've got life figured out and I'd be teaching it to little idiots like myself who think it's this complicated maze, when it's really just a path or two.

    Your leaving did teach me one thing, though: there's never a use in crying, because if tears can fix everything, I would not be me.

    I don't know who I will become, but I sincerely hope I don’t let my loved ones down, as I once did, when you left.

    I am writing this to you, Old Me, to say that I am sorry, and that I know that, somewhere in the past, you are too.

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