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  • The first time I moved to Long Beach, California from Boise, Idaho was in 2006. I moved 1000 miles to begin a relationship with an older man, whom I met online, and had only met once in person. I've mentioned him twice in other stories. He is both the man that I told my Father that I could never grow to love, and the advice giver prompting my breakup with Jack. It feels like I should dedicate a long story to Todd. I care about him very much, and I believe he still loves me. Unfortunately, there isn't much of a story to tell. Todd and I had an online friendship, nothing more. I was in a place of need and he needed someone to save. That seems to be how our relationship still works. I am forever damsel in distress and Todd is my knight in shining armor. How I wish I could love him, sometimes. There is no chemistry between us. Hugs felt empty, kisses fell flat, and lovemaking was mechanical and sporadic at best. I think we were both banking for our romance to end in a lifetime commitment. As I've since learned (I've previously, stubbornly refused the evidence), a long-distance, online-only love affair is destined to failure. There is so much mystery and intrigue, and a few in person meetings may seem exciting and promising, but there is so much you can not know about someone until you truly experience life with them on a daily basis. Todd and I tried to make a relationship work for several years, I left him twice for other men, before finally admitting defeat. Now we are awkward friends. We are still connected in complicated ways that would take months, if not years, to unravel. Perhaps he will always be a part of my life. He will never again, though, be a part of my love life.
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